20/01/07

Motorhome Mahem!!!

The first thing i would suggest to budding motorhomers - Be Organised...

We have a fridge , forgot to get food till we decided to camp. No shops open! I see fellow campers cooking barbques & recall the memory of burnt meat for sustenance.
We left the quiet shores of Bilgola Beach , all filled with the anticipation of an exciting road adventure.

The players on this road trip are myself Craig, my girl Tara, our kids Tayla who is 3, Arden who is 1 and our good friend Olivia who is 13 and made a special trip across the ditch to come play with us. Oh, and not forgetting my good little mate, Tom the 12 year old staffy, who is neither obedient or faithfull.

Im not the best organised kind of person, but i do the program done. Even if somewhat chaotically. Tara and i were up till 4am on the morning of our departure, working out the actuall route of our trip. Having had this tour of duty booked in for 3 months, and leaving the actual planning and organisation of it for the day of departure, you can probably understand why we may have started on the wrong footy...

Anyway , away in a bagel we go. Heat in back of camper is driving the team insane. and its amazing how quickly the whirring sounds of a diesel engine and the angels on the ipod can be drowned out by screaming kids, cranky women and a dog near death from heat exaustion. The overwhelming call was to "pull the f... over and fix the bloody airconditioning, or there will be one more shallow grave littering the highway of dreams.

So, we pit stop at the super servo, with Mcdonalds, lahdy dah latte cafes, specialist juice emporiums, health food havens for drive through wheat grass n tofu burgers on rye bricks called bread. Another tangent...

Back to the melting campers... Whilst the unhappy campers depart for the nearest airconditioned shop in the highway hypermarket, with the last of the energy reserves, i decide to contact head office with my very valid grievence. "Hi Craig here, just wondering why my camper is on high and we are all toasting imside. Its cooler for me to lay face down on the bitumen in the nude in the middle of the day here at the moment, than it is to cruise in the perceived comfort of our - air-conditioned motor palace." Sir have you turned the right buttons on for the aircon in the front panel?" Of bloody course i have, theres only 3 guages to press and adjust, and i have tried it evry different combination. Do you think i look like a bloody tourist? No sir, but i had one fellow, just this morning actually who never pressed the actual aircon button on and had a similar complaint. But as your not a tourist sir, im sure its probably something else. Yeah me too. See you later.

Hows that, as soon as i hang up the line, a whole new button appears on the dash. It had a snow icon embedded into it. I swear it wasnt there before. Its a bit of fun for the staff at camper hire, as soon as someone rings complaining about the heat, they secretly and wirelessly conect to the dashboard - and "wally" theres a new button and heres a lather of egg for for your face.
Cant wait to see the next joke they try to pull on me. Im awake to their game.

Hey team, ive fixed the airconditioning, a hose had come of underneath, and i have repaired the problem. Yeahhhh dad, you are king. Thanks girls. Lets go... yes lets. Down the road aways, oh girls by the way, what did you bring back to eat from the super duper hyper service centre with everything under one corporate eco rapists fuel goliath?... You want some water dad?...

Just ipod the grief away with the future before me. Im full up already.

Ok team, lets find somewhere to stay. We'll go to Forster and stay at smugglers cove camping park. Yehhh. Sorry mate... no vacancy. But i says you have powered sites available? Oh we should change that. Ok girls theres another place down the road... sorry no vacancy. But it says you have a vacancy. Yes someone stole the no... yeah right mate.

Its getting dark, the team is now hungry, agitated and despondent of hope for refreshing their weary road muscles and minds. Hey heres a place, lets try them. Down the back roads we steam. yes sir, we have a powered site for you. So the girls and tom are on the rollercoaster and are now coming to a new peak of happiness and relief.

We set up camp, and i head for the shop in search of food. shop closed. I watched the happy organised campers all around enjoying their steaks n snags. But readers dont despair, the kidlettes did have food, just forgot about the adults.

so tomorrows a new day. Learnt a few lessons today, and i am sure we are now on the way to motoring enjoyment, with the worst behind us. And campers are a friendly happy bunch, so instead of thinking what might go awry tomorrow, im saying " what could be perfect today hey?" . A fresh new magnificent motoring adventure is all lined up for us tomorrow. So i'd better get some sleep, i cant wait. To sleep that is, the hunger pains are now driving me insane.

chow now!!!

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21/0/07

A new day dawns...
around 10 in the morning, the last of the road reptiles surface. Breakfast. whats for breaky kidz?.... Lets check the shop, i feel like bacon, eggs toast and tea. Sorry mate, we only do burger. But you can have a bacon n egg roll?. Ok give us 4 of those.

caravan parks are friendly places. Their problem is im not so. People saying hi, how you going every 20 paces, can just tick me off a bit. And the fellow MH brigrade wave at you every time you passs them like "hey flo, theres another club member"...grrrrr, i give them the forks everytime, hoping i can singlehandedly stop this happy camper gay rot...

Did i say we are still hungry? still no food in the camper?...well thats all about to change. Quick pitty at coles in coffs, and you know how they say never go shopping when your stoned. Well dont ever go shopping when your hungry either.. $550 in food and junk later. It only took half hour to do that also. Now we have the cupboards all crammed with goodies, no room left in the esky size fridge, and now we are ready to hit the road for some motorhome rock n rolling....BANGGGGGG!!!.......

You guys in the back all right?. yes what was that...dont know. I didnt even have the engine on, i was just about to start it... Excuse me, sorry but i just backed my car into your camper. back the fuck up beachhhh, u hit my shangri la on wheels? Yes i am so sorry, i didnt see it there. Its not been a good week for me. My husband is in sydney getting chemo, everything is going wrong. Yes sure lady, stop your bloody crying and give me your details. Im not payinging for this. When hubby gets out, tell him you just have to cut back on the chemo treatrments till you've paid off the dent in the happiest campers wagon...

Ok, after the roadside exchange, we are now finally ready to go. We start motoring on again, and whilst kiddy chaos is continuing in the back, in the distance i spot a man on side of highway, cleaning old flowers off a cross and replacing them with new. It stops me abruptly in sadness. Even now days later, i still get sad for this man, and what may have happened. It really put a lot in perspective for me. What had this man who looked old but was young, lost. What had happened. It reminded me how ever bad this trip has been going, it will never be as bad as what has happened to this man. I am so glad i have a missus that screams at me and kids who fight with each other. i have nothing to complain about. i silently wish this man as happy a future as he is willing to have.

We arrive around 9.00pm (8.00 in qld, i love the extra hour) at stinkas place on the goldy and after manouvering the space shuttle into its spot, we go to hook up the power and power up the ship, "hey Krush, did ya know its 15 amp plug? what 15 amp? yes , sorry but we cant hook up. suprise suprise. Stuff it, lets get to business... Nite kids...
TV turns up a bit later, and once again, old times are all new again....

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22/01/07

Qld gets me wet n wild... yes thats right, forgot how humidity affects a person here. Women get a bit ratty and i been sweating buckets. The kids dont understand heat and can be a little crazy as well..

After good byes and thanks for the hangovers to stinksta, anny and charley, we head for the fun parks. lets have some fun crew. Into movieworld, after they picked our pockets at the gate and wrang out any spare change from $200 for the day for 2 adults and 1 child. Shit its hot...and after about an hour of craziness and arguments, we finally make it on a few rides. Tara and Olivia enjoy the roller coasters, Craig n Olivia get amongst the speed of the superman roller. Tayla has a few rides and arden loves the water fountains. Movieworld is crap...

Time to roll again partners, all aboard. We spend a lot of time on the road... Lets find a camping spot. Burleigh heads caravan park is cool. Sorry no dogs. Too bad, we will keep Tom hidden. (yes sure you will)
Lets have some dinner. Steak sounds great. I'll get the cooker started. Gas cookers in campers, how hard could it be? Not hard even for an idiot, so it dont say much about me. Finally after checking every hose, cylinder, stove and an hour of cursing and arguments, i make a discovery..... Push the button in first then ignite it..duhhhh.

Caravan people are friendly. But they cant kick on for shit... all in bed by 11pm. Im still kicking it at 4am (really 3 in qld) miss my mates...where are they all when your ready to fly?

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23/01/07

New day, more stuff to deal with. Whens the fun start? Oh today of course, we are going to Dreamworld .We arrive nice and early at dreamworld, 9.30am (10.30 in nsw) but so does every other holiday maker in south east qld. we follow the traffic in and looks like we could get a park up close at least. Sorry mate camper are down there. see the 2 spots in the distance, they are the camper village. great. Its hot, im getting cranky, tara's her usual happy self and the kids are get us out of this camper and into some fun or your dead dad!

Dreamworld ... the nightmare

mum n dads.

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24/01/07

wow - no plans...

Paul rocks in..

family swim.

new filly

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25/01/07

family dinner

kids with dad

track

moment

mums birthday

fixed the ding

dads a trojan

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26/01/07

new challenges..... coolum, australia day

caravan park

prawns n oysters

sisters.... learnt family

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27/01/07

the wharf is fucked

roz

lost on motorway in motorhome

mitch

party

camper

kids love rozs

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28/0107

new mission...

on road again

campsite early and organised

first barby

buy more food......grrrr

windy condition is a cold dinner.

set the table up in windiest condition

woolgoolga caravan park

burning the oil...

just couldnt make the target destination...

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29/01/07

lets get the fuck home....